What if we listened Not to respond?

Losing my voice has been a teachable moment this year, particularly because it happened on my birthday.

This was frustrating and funny at first. I'm a communicator, I relate to people through my voice, my edgy comments, my blablablà.

But my vocal chords decided to take PTO as slowly, my capacity to speak declined into total silence.

When all you can do is whisper, you no longer have the option of fluffing the pillows of conversation to sound friendlier, more charismatic, diplomatic, you only have energy to state the truth if it is absolutely necessary.

Like a wise elder, you become good at discerning whether a comment is worth correcting or simply glancing at. Your reality shifts into a state of continuous meditation, where you learn to release your thoughts independently of expressing them. Processing and cleansing thoughts from within, rather than using the external, solidifies your presence.

Normally we listen to respond, what if we listened not to respond? What if we listened and simply received that information as status quo? Let it sit and let the message take form, then react. For the person who has just spoken, it feels good to have their words resonate, and for the person listening, it strengthens their energy to hold back on saying something futile for ego boost or flattery.

The less distracted you are by the need to respond to a stimulus, the more receptive you can be in all your senses, in that moment. As you become comfortable with silence, you become comfortable taking up space in other ways beyond voice.

People should learn how to just be there, doing nothing... It's not so easy to just be. If you can be happy, relaxed, and smiling when you're not doing something; you're quite strong. Doing nothing bring about quality of being, which is very important. So doing nothing is actually something. - Thic Nhat Hanh

General Letter to a certain type of EX

I miss the magic of being around you, the feeling of being in your arms. The feeling of your skin next to mine, the desire of touching you and knowing I would see you tonight. Whatever tonight was - I miss the hope I had for us. The idea of building something concrete.

Everybody likes a project. But I also thought too much about your problems and too little about my life. Wanting to heal you would have consumed me. You felt almost there but you weren't. You needed to heal. As did I.

No joke, I cannot remember which of my exes this was written about... because looking back on old patterns, it could be any of them!

I had this uncanny ability to find people 's healing journeys appeal to the side of me that wanted to feel purposeful. A distraction from my own self growth and healing.

Always lots of love though.

Keeping this here as a relic, a relationship fossil for anyone to learn from. IF you are trying to rescue or save someone right now, check real quick if there is a light within you that is currently waiting to be lit. And if so, notice it. Doesn't mean you have to break up, just stop ignoring it. If the person sticks around after you choose yourself, good. If they do not, that is also good.

You are always in control. And so are they.

Me, personally? I keep ALL my lights on now :)

Learning When to Say No

In the Infinite School of Life, the series of revelations one might have include the real shift that happens when one learns to say No, purposefully.

When you learn to say no beyond the short term rewards of satisfying the need to be safe (monetarily) and accepted (socially), it opens and frees up areas you would have never had room for. Ones that are meant for you, and if you trust in your ability to discern, you will be safe (monetarily) and accepted (socially) from a new place of authenticity.

Even if something seems wonderful, and shiny, and ''I'd be stupid to say no'', you might tell yourself, I would like to gift you an analogy to help you decide. Because you should always trust your gut. This analogy was given to me by my incredible friend, teacher, healer and confidante Envita Rose Hasler during one of our many, sometimes daily life strategy conversations. I was deciding whether or not to hire a particular editor for my book. Though he was impressive, I something felt off and I was having trouble justifying saying No.

Envita: What's a food you've always despised?

Alessandra: Cilantro.

Envita: Imagine someone prepared a beautiful bowl of cilantro soup for you, and a cilantro salad, and cilantro cake using the best recipes and cilantros in the world. Would that be appealing for you?

Alessandra: No. Of course not.

Envita: Ok; then why would you say yes to this?

Even if the opportunity is remarkable, the offer seems amazing, the person is splendid, is it a michelin starred meal bowl of cilantro? Can you give yourself permission to let it go and make room for yourself?

Allow yourself to always choose what's right for you, your path, your purpose and growth missions.

Namasté.