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What about Open Relationships?

Updated: Oct 18, 2022

Mind is dividing, Heart is Inviting

I heard this quote on a podcast today in relation to how couples in romantic partnership can navigate between desire-driven decisions of the ego and heart-centered choices that hold a greater purpose for deeply loving souls to expand. A very esoteric way of describing when it might be okay to open the relationship and when it would be best to keep things safely ''closed''.

Suddenly, unprompted, I feel compelled to figure out my stance on the matter, despite being single today. I've had my fair share of relationships, all of which have been monogamous. This is the perspective I am writing from so I cannot offer additional anecdotal evidence that an open structure works.

However, I am open to being open. At least, that's what the cool me would say. If I were to imagine myself in the deepest form of body, mind and soul love with someone, and they with me, would there be room perhaps to flirt with the idea of allowing one another to explore their sexual curiosities? In a way that is loving, and not possessive of this love.

In the context of a proper long-term relationship, whatever that means to you, where many cycles have been opened and closed by two people; years and years of committed flourishing... perhaps even decades, if those curiosities do not get fed, where do they go? Is there potential for repression and inevitably, an implosion of sorts?

From a purely logical perspective, wouldn't it make sense to prevent a crisis rather than wait for the train to crash in your faces? Or is there a different trick that monogamous couples have up their sleeves?

I would love to believe that the person I choose to be with will be able to continuously grow with and satisfy all or most of my sexual needs, and I theirs. That novelty and desire flow abundantly in the cups we separately drink from and grapevines are dangling proverbially into our necks. I've never been in a situation where the sex started to feel unappealing because my longest relationship was next to 4 years and that component did not particularly suffer, though I'd be remiss to say it did not lose a bit of novelty.

I understand the notion that when you age your libido tends to go down, and ideally this would happen in tandem with your partner's... But what I cannot comprehend are couples who are together years and years and haven't been intimate for months, or even years. I cannot immagine this. And if this were the case in my relationship, I would certainly look outside for it and if this were the case for my partner, I certainly wouldn't blame them for doing it. So at this point, why the heck not try it out together?

From a purely logical perspective, wouldn't it make sense to prevent a crisis rather than wait for when you have to manage it?

With a vaccine, you prevent the disease by injecting a part of the disease inside of you so that your body learns to defend itself against that disease. Along those lines, wouldn't it make sense to cure a potential sexual infidelity with a little injection of outside sex?

And for those who go on these crazy dry spells, are they also not interested in self pleasure? How is this possible that so many people's lights go out totally, and suddenly the energy comes back from a different tower.

What if my partner and I allowed each other the space to explore a different flavor of human being because outside of our journeys together, our own individual journeys were curious to experience it? What if we not only ''allowed'' it, but also loved each other through it, without feeling divided by our own minds, but rather expanded in our hearts from it.

Yes, I think this is my answer. There is nothing to be afraid of. Though I cannot imagine tiring of monogamy, ten years into my beautiful future lifetime partnership, perhaps we could open the gates.

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